Transforming Shame into Growth During the Year of the Snake

I hope you battened down the hatches back in January, because 2025 is the year of the snake (cue shudder). If you're unfamiliar with what this means, consider it a time of shifting identities, of transformation that happens much like how a snake sheds its old skin as it grows.

For me, this year has opened the floodgates of change. My old belief systems are crumbling on a weekly basis. Had you seen me yesterday, you would have been worried: I was screaming into a pillow on the bedroom floor over a new limiting belief that surfaced without any warning. It wasn't pretty.

But I want to get vulnerable for this one, because there's a lesson tucked into my despair. One I'm keen to share with you.*

THE SPIRAL BEGINS

I've spent much more time on social media lately than I'm comfortable with or care to admit. But running a modern-day business means maintaining product/service visibility, so we do what we must! Consequentially, I've been bombarded by the many successes of other coaches, authors and business figures—and my unconscious self has not been enjoying the show.

At first, it seemed the idea of having to compete with those rockstars is what had me feeling sick to my stomach and foggy-brained. Like the competition I faced had forced my eyes open to the magnitude of such a task. Worse, I feared it meant I might not be unique or helpful in comparison.

It wasn't a fair pressure to place on myself, and I became paralyzed by self-doubt. My self-belief plummeted because I'd never been this person before, right? I'd never felt "not good enough" like this.

But that wasn't actually true. I had felt not good enough before, and frequently . . . in fact, as far back as I could recall.

DEEP RECKONING

A barrage of life events rose out of the dark corners of my unconscious mind.

I remembered wanting to sing alongside a famous vocalist as a child. When that didn't eventuate (because obviously), it changed how I viewed my own voice.

I remembered helping out with a fundraiser in the 4th grade only to be disparaged by my peers for not facilitating something correctly. Where had that been hiding all these years?

I remembered failing high school algebra. Being chosen last in sports. Not listening to "the right" music. Repeatedly being told that I was a terrible driver. Being gay under a religion of intolerance. Not being able to give my ex what he truly desired from a partner. Getting in trouble for misunderstanding expectations in a new role at work.

The list swelled. A shocking number of events rose to the surface, each one bringing more unreconciled shame and pain until, eventually, the "not good enough" was too much to bear.

THE STORM BEFORE THE CALM

Here's the thing about the trauma cycle: if we allow it to shift from painful to suppressed, we lose the chance to release it.

I found myself in a ball on the bed and sobbing uncontrollably. All those buried events, the moments of trauma, the manufactured belief system—rage I didn't know I'd been holding in for decades—came pouring out. There was no stopping it or slowing it down. I was in the "acute" stage of the trauma cycle** and thought, Okay, this is it.

Sobs became screams into a pillow. I poured out every thought of "not good enough" I could manage, because letting it sink back down inside me to wreak more havoc was no longer an option.

I carried on for as long as I needed to, and only when there was nothing left to expel did my world come back into focus. The tears stopped. I wiped the snot away, washed the pillow, and let my nervous system rest.

The next day, I felt like a new person. This particular transformation was complete.

THE LESSON

I was able to shed my old "not good enough" and replace it with something better, but it didn't come without paying my dues and facing the pain that lurked in my unconscious mind. Now that I've released that pain, emptied myself of resentment, chosen a different identity, the future feels possible once more.

Since the year of the snake is infamous for facilitating identity shifts, we may find ourselves at its mercy, feeling those unwanted things we've so carefully hidden away. But it's happening for a reason, and we're smart to embrace it. It's the process of inner change.

So, if you find yourself going through a shift of your own, trust me when I say all hope is not lost, despite how it may feel in the moment. If there's something within you that needs to come up and out, let it.

Sometimes, the only way out is through.

---

* Advice in this article does not constitute clinical therapy.

** My co-author and I touch on the trauma cycle in our upcoming book, Stop It, Swap It: How To Short-Circuit the Negativity Spiral in 10 Seconds or Less. Subscribe to my newsletter to receive information about its release date and presale.

What transformation will you experience this year? Let me know!